The world of counter-terrorism was rocked yesterday, even more than a world punctuated exclusively by explosions and/or slaughters every three minutes normally is, when Arctic Avenger terrorist “**DIX**2mch4u” killed an SAS operative engaged in an entirely different police action on a separate server. Counter-Strike players around the world cried “FAG!”, though whether they’d actually noticed the shot or this was simply their standard once-per-second intimation of homosexuality is unknown*.

*The irony of such players claiming to know anything about any kind of sexuality is, conversely, very well known, and hilarious.

“2“, as he will heretofore be referred because simply writing a name like that is an offence against intelligence and letters, was covering the entrances to bomb site B with an AWP. After headshotting the entire CT team, he fired a ninth and final shot which killed an extraordinarily surprised “[XD]Killah!” on an entirely distinct cs_italy server. Killah responded in the rational manner of any counter-strike player, blaming his unexpected death of hax, fags, and AWP whores, all in a single incredibly expletive-dense second.

Fellow players assured Killah that he was a nub and that he should learn to [VERB DELETED] play – though exactly how you’re meant to learn to avoid an one-hit instant-kill zero-warning long-distance weapon with a ten shot clip was not made clear. Leading counterstrikologists have theorized that the Arctic Warfare Police sniper rifle’s insane lethality has finally exceeded the restraints of local physics (instead of the mere idea of game balance it normally violates), and after killing all local targets reached across the matrix of servers to find something else to instantly annihilate.

This result has provoked spirited debate among the pretending-to-kill-each-other-every-day community, unless you define “debate” as something other than “trading insults and misspelled capitalized intimations of maternal sleeping partners.” No clear resolution could be reached, with a clear fifty-fifty split among players. The first party believes that the AWP is for nubs, while the second believes that those killed by said weapon – and in fact everyone other than the wielder – is a nub. At this point talks stalled and everyone was kicked.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 at 6:54 pm and is filed under Counter-Strike, Counter-Strike Source. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.